“I think I’m gay.”
These are the words I uttered to my parents this week in my living room. After weeks of deliberating and years of trying to figure out who I am I finally decided to fill them in on my life.
In my head, and how it played out in reality, vary just a bit. I have two parents that love me more than anything on this earth. My Dad took the news fine. I knew he would. He doesn’t show emotion a lot, but I know he supports me. I know my Mom loves me but she was the wildcard. I didn’t expect her reaction, but looking back I don’t know what I really expected.
She’s not really taking it well. She can be pretty close-minded. Her initial reaction was shock followed by embarrassment. She had a lot of questions and didn’t really understand. I told her I was happy. I put myself in her shoes and tried to visualize it from her perspective. It wouldn’t be easy news to take. I told her that I still loved her, I’m still her son, and most importantly that I am happy. She’s slowly warming up to it and I know it’s not going to be easy. My Dad said she cried a lot but she keeps telling me she loves me. She has a lot of concerns and just wants the best for me. I know one day she’ll be alright with it. It isn’t going to be in the near future, but hopefully it’s out on the horizon.
A few days went by, and I keep talking to her asking if she has any questions, or if she wants to talk. She really doesn’t want much to do with me. She’s been moping telling me that “I’m too young” to know this stuff when I told her I was sure I was. I keep telling her that I’m happy but she just doesn’t understand. I know she’s judging me, but I know that she will eventually get past this. My Dad told me that I should treat this like “don’t ask, don’t tell,” regarding my relatives. I wish I could have foreseen these things coming.
My friends have shown nothing but support for me which is helping this transition.
One of my good friends reminded me that just because I tell my parents doesn’t mean I’m done. It’s something I’ll have to deal with everyday of my life. This might be the start, but it feels good. I’ve had other friends at school showing me support left and right. They see that I’m happier. I’m finally coming into my own.
When I started this project this is never how I imagined it going. This started as a simple journey to tell the truth for a year and it’s transformed my life. The truth has lead me to seek my own happiness. I’ve always struggled with who I was as a person. I thought these were always things I could shake off and just live a normal life. It has taken some time to realize this but I’ve never been normal and I’m okay with that. I’m done with living in denial and lying to myself. I just want to be happy and I think I’m finally on the right path.
This has been another week of Me, being honest.