The lies we tell ourselves can be the worst of them all. I went through a breakup this week. Breakups are never easy but I’m surprisingly taking this better than I ever imagined I would. In a sense, I felt this coming.
I did a lot of thinking this week. When I drove to meet her these thoughts were magnified. I had been stressed out all week and it was noticeable. (You can’t hide anything from Mom.) I kept thinking about what makes me happy and what I want in life. I want her to be happy and I realized that maybe right now I can’t provide that.
We started talking and it all came out. Frustrations were vented, things were said, and feelings were let out. Both parties voiced all emotions but for the most part, I’d say it was amicable.
We were friends before and she is still an incredible person who brings me happiness. We’re still friends and after our talk we actually went out to dinner. It was nice. This didn’t work out, but maybe somewhere far from now it will.
This week I was forced to face truths that I still want to hide from. After a lot of thinking I have come a revelation that is scary for me and will probably change the rest of my life. I am bisexual. I’ve known this for a while but I always thought it was something I could control. This week I realized that this is a bigger issue than I ever thought it would be. For the first time in my life, this week I thought to myself that maybe I might be happier with a male. Now before you look down on and call me a piece of trash remember this is all new to me. This isn’t easy for me to deal with.
I have come to realize that I need to know who I am and I need to love myself before I can be in a real relationship with anyone.